I have this calendar hung on my wall from 2012, it’s theme is “How Much I Love Being Your Mother”– my mother gave it to me and I never take it down. She passed in January of 2013. In it, is documentation of her trips to the hospital that year.
How could I not have seen it coming? It’s sad to lose a mother and my mother was a great mother. Funny how the little things moms give us, amount to so much.
That November, I distinctly remember feeling so utterly disappointed, displeased, shocked by my brother. My mother had brought up that she would need a kidney transplant to my brother. He had the audacity to say, “Mom, I can’t. Because of my anxiety. I don’t think I could handle a transplant.” Then, my mother asked me, and I said, “Yes.” My mom asked, “Are you sure?” My answer was, “Yes. Now if you ask if I want you or me to get operated, then, no. But if it means having you around a lot longer, so you can finally eat some of the things you like. Then absolutely, YES!”
What saddens me about my brother or the situation, is that it wasn’t me and my brother going at it on who would give the kidney, in my mind we should have been fighting for the honor. But he so easily backed out. I was scared, but ready, and he was okay to say, “No.”
Now, as I look at the calendar, I’m taken back to that time. Telling her over Thanksgiving that she needs to get better, that we need to get her better, that we need to get the kidney thing going, because the only reason I ever visited home, was for her. It was true.I miss her. As I look at this calendar, it is a reminder of how limited our time is, of how limited her time was, for the sake of not ending on a platitude, it is a reminder that life is not what we do, but who we “do” it with.
I miss you, Mom. Thank you, for all the little things.