Christmas. Alone.

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The last time I saw my brother he said he was there for me.

That I always have a room at his house.

That he is on my side.

The day before I left, he told me to take my stuff out of his house.

Because things have changed. He and his wife are having a baby.

 

He knew this before he made claims of being there for me.

I know a baby means change, but the baby was only eight weeks in.

I’m happy for him, I guess.

In many ways I don’t care anymore.

I’m okay with that too. Maybe I should care more. But I don’t.

No one needs to seek abuse.

 

In this journey you realize you are alone and somehow have to be okay with it.

There is a shift happening inside me, where I am okay in this loneliness.

Sometimes I’m not.

But I’m more okay than not, right now.

I still cry over all this loss. But that’s okay too.

At least I feel.

 

Mom.

Step-dad.

Dad.

Brother.

All lost. All gone.

 

I have to take care of me, because no one else will.

And as much as this hurts.

It’s okay. I’m okay. I have to believe that.

As I go on to create my own tribe, I stand alone.

But my tribe is my choice.

 

Christmas has changed forever.

But I’m okay.

 

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4 comments on “Christmas. Alone.

  1. Gary B. says:

    I am with you on this journey my friend. Mom and dad are gone to heaven. My brother doesn’t speak to me for a reason he won’t share with me. Thanks for writing this. Bless you.

  2. Karen says:

    Oh my dear, we are all alone. No matter who is with us, we are inevitably alone. But alone is good too. I was alone until I had my son. Now that he is gone, I am alone again. My husband is a beautiful man but we are still alone. We have someone who loves us and that is all we really need. Bless you always.

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