The last time I saw my brother he said he was there for me.
That I always have a room at his house.
That he is on my side.
The day before I left, he told me to take my stuff out of his house.
Because things have changed. He and his wife are having a baby.
He knew this before he made claims of being there for me.
I know a baby means change, but the baby was only eight weeks in.
I’m happy for him, I guess.
In many ways I don’t care anymore.
I’m okay with that too. Maybe I should care more. But I don’t.
No one needs to seek abuse.
In this journey you realize you are alone and somehow have to be okay with it.
There is a shift happening inside me, where I am okay in this loneliness.
Sometimes I’m not.
But I’m more okay than not, right now.
I still cry over all this loss. But that’s okay too.
At least I feel.
All lost. All gone.
I have to take care of me, because no one else will.
And as much as this hurts.
It’s okay. I’m okay. I have to believe that.
As I go on to create my own tribe, I stand alone.
But my tribe is my choice.
Christmas has changed forever.
But I’m okay.