It’s been a lonely couple of weeks. I’ve spent so much time looking at mom’s pictures and ruminating on the life we’ve shared. Her last days. The last two weeks in December I spent with her. Our long talks. Thinking she was strong enough for me to leave her and continue with my life.
I’ve spent the last few days and night asking her to visit me. Be it in my dreams. My thoughts. As a ghost. I’ve been begging for a message that she is still with me. But nothing. I don’t know if this means she has already crossed over. If this is the case then she crossed over quickly and easily and maybe it’s better that she is not here.
But now I find myself wondering if there really is an afterlife. A heaven or a hell. Is this place we cross over to real? Or is it a place of hopeful imagination. A place we all hope to visit and reunite with our loved ones.
Throughout my grief I’ve consulted with three mediums. They all seem to pick up on my artistic ability particularly my writing. Two of them got my mother’s name and one of them didn’t pick up on my mother at all—but it was more of a reading than a meeting to speak to my mother. The readings weren’t amazingly accurate, although I wish they were and fueled by my mere wish to speak to my mother. To have a tie with her, now, even if she is in the spirit world. However, I’m not sure if it is real or if it exists.
Has anyone reading this post had a significant experience? If so, please share.